Last

“Utah, this is Panama station signing off, it is destiny day for us.

We thought Mongolia station survived but they went dark yesterday.

Good luck Utah, you are the last.”

4:30 am, Fuck! Okay I tell myself, get the fuck up and move asshole. My head feels like a baked potato. The pressure in our habitat is a few millibars above earths and I can feel the compression like someone pushing pillows into my head. It doesn’t hurt though, I’m glad of that. Today, fuck it’s today. I shake just a little at the thought. Squeeeckee the door opens and I see Captain Li come into the barracks. “Alright people, it’s my destiny day. Jane, I … chokes ulp.” “I know” says Jane. “I’m proud to exit to, well to whatever is next with all of you.” There are hugs, a few sobs, I feel the hand on my shoulder “Thank you, for everything. We wouldn’t have this chance if it weren’t for you.” I feel the breath on my cheek and the soft lips, the breath again. Captan Li walks out.

“So few of us now.” “Yeah” “I’m up next” …. the conversation isn’t much these last hours. We’ve all said all there is to say 100 times before.

The barracks are small, about 20X20 with 9 adults. No-one’s bathed in two years and the sour apple smell of human oils and skin fills the air. We’re used to it but the mornings are hard, especially for the few of us older than 20 left. The youth didn’t rise up and kill the old, the world just died and most of my generation and every previous generation with it.

I use the dry rub cleanser which smells like chalk and creates as much dust if you’re not careful. The air in the room becomes untenable as everyone wakes. The chalky air bites at my eyes, nose, and throat with a bitter taste, a salty tang of sand in your mouth. I slide into my jumpsuit and make my way down the corridor. Jane says “hey” I nod back and walk on to the mess hall where I load up my tray with the protein bar and my morning allotment of water .5 liter until noon at the earliest. The protein bar isn’t actually to bad, kinda like an extra dry, extra dense, Cliff bar. HA! Like you’d know what that is, whoever you are.

It’s time to get started and I shake just a little again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what are you doing Jasper? Don’t you know you don’t want to eat something like that before a mission? Jasper looks back at me “fuck’n hell man I can’t take the bullshit protein bars with no flavor.” We recently discovered one of the minerals here mimics garlic, a little. It is a nice flavor and is not too poisonous. “God I miss food” Jasper says. “I miss air, blue skies…” “I miss vodka.” Micha walks in. “I miss fucking vodka, HA!” Micha is one of of the few people left who somehow still have a sense of humor. He’s a huge man 6'5" and has the personality to match. We all like Micha. Alright motherfuckers get moving, today is destiny day.

First through

Saminau Jazi Milliar was the first. On Aug. 24, 2035 she suited up, kissed her partner, and walked through. “It’s bright, I don’t feel pain, I….it’s……” that’s it that’s all we got as she walked through. The world waited for days, weeks, months: nothing. Someone, somewhere, decided that was enough. They, whoever they were, decided if she was able to keep talking as she went through, she made it through.

Saminau was a global hero and the world reveled in its glimmer of hope. Everyone wanted to make the leap, everyone wanted to believe. Even I was relieved she didn’t just disintegrate upon touching the field. She seemed to pass though unharmed, the video seemed to show that and the words she spoke only ended as you see her foot pass into the field. The location of Utah station became the best kept secret in the solar system.

Utah station was the only portal ever found. The linguistics experts believed the glyph translations, that there should be hundreds, if not thousands, of portals. But none were ever found.

We don’t actually know what happens when you cross through, at least not for sure. We know it’s a powerful energy field. We know it’s based on gravity but we don’t know how it captures and channels gravity. In the early days, just after it was found, when we could still produce concentrated energy, we were able to poke a small “hole” in the field using a tiny digital camera inside a cord surrounded by a magnetic field. We got 1 shot and it blew all the generators. Generators on a small moon, near Jupiter, as the world collapsed, you don’t get a retake. We could see there was something on the other side that had form, shape, and what looked like atmosphere, like fog maybe.

But it was all ending by then, the wars accelerated and people went mad as earths resources dried up. We preserved as much data as we could and created 41 science stations in isolated locations. Each station held 24 people 12 male and 12 female a real Noah’s ark of the best and brightest humanity had to offer. That was the idea anyway. We also preserved the genetic material of 1.5 million humans 5 years ago as what was left of humanity was coming to grips with destiny day.

Count down

“One day we’ll realize, our destiny is self destruction…” That was only 20 years ago. 20 fucking years ag…

“Hey, you got 1 hour.” “Yeah, I know. Everything ready?” “Yeah, destiny day, mutha-fuc… yeah man it’s all ready. Mayie is going through as soon as it resets, then me, then you man.” Zoe hugs me, we both sob momentarily. “Fuck man, I mean, it’s not like I won’t see you on the other side, right?” “Yeah, right.” I go cold, it’s the only way now. “Step lively solider, your mission awaits. It’s your Destiny Day” Fuck. I hate myself, and this fucking world, most of all I hate the fucking military. None of that matters. I have to help this 22 year old who’s almost certainly about to be shredded to pieces by black hole level gravity. Being a soldier, that’s all Zoe’s ever had. Still, she knows how I feel, so barking orders stings.

Zoe flinches, looks hurt, but doesn’t retreat. Latching on to me like a vice, tears poring, “Yes, I will see you on the other side. Goodbye” plants a kiss on my cheek, and walks out of my cabin.

One hour to go

The lights dim and I hear the dddddddeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaa of the portal resetting itself. Zoe just stepped through. That, leaves me.

My heart rate increases enough to glow in the life signs panel. I feel the fear rising. I feel the heat rising around my head, that slightly dizzy feeling, the acid taste … “huuuurrrrrmmmaaabwaaawaawwwa wawwaaaa “ Well, that was lunch. Heart pounding now. I can feel it in the sides of my head. I can hear it over the never fucking ending whirrr whirrr whirr of the fans. GOD, I’m going to die. I’m about to die. I don’t want to die. I vomit again. Everything goes orange.

35 minutes to go

Beep beeep beeeep, buzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzz my head feels like it’s in a vice, little spikes driving into my head. I lift my armband and turn off the alert. Jeezzus I’ve been out for, what, 20 minutes. Fuck I’m due up next and …. wait. No one else is here now. The fans whirr and whirr. Section A and Section B are the only one’s with light left. Life support still works in the pods and in the other sections. One thing about this place, the wind never stops blowing. I stop at Zoe’s pod, everything in neatly stacked regulation order. I pick up the data disk on the top of the footlocker:

Zoe Bachanwa: I lived once

15 minutes to go

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzziiipp, click, snap, ffffffpppppffffffttttttchilick clack, snap. Going through the motions of putting on my suit I feel distant, like watching yourself as an observer. I make my way to my pod. It all feels so surreal, I know, I mean I know I’ll just be turned into gravity spaghetti the moment I step through but I’m walking through the process like a robot in a rote cycle. Shaking now, sweat pouring down my head. I start sobbing, but for what I haven’t a clue. It’s all happening in my view. It’s my hand turning the switches and zeroing out the dials. Going through a fucking checklist like it has any fucking meaning. These are the last moments, my last moments and I’m going through a fucking checklist.

10 minutes to go

I try to remember why we automated the last part of the process as I pull myself up and slide my legs into the pressure suit. “It’s stupid” I hear myself say out loud. Stupid that now I can’t stop and spend an extra hour doing any of the things I realize I should have done, as my last minutes tick by. “I could just stay, wait it out.” Wait what out I think. There’s enough food and supplies for the rest of my natural life. Well, until the radiation breaks down my cells and my body reacts spreading cancer…. fuck.

5 minutes to go

I slide my arms into the top portion of the suit and it lowers down and clacks into place. N2O — That’s what we think is in the “atmosphere” we “saw” fucking air quotes I laugh out-loud to myself and the sound shakes me a bit. It’s weird in here now, just the wind and the whirr whirr whirr of the fans.

I’m all alone. Jasper, Micha, Captain Li, Zoe.. and all the others are gone now. It’s just me. I slide the helmet on, lock it into place, and… The fear returns, it’s like a wave. I’m shaking head to toe, cold sweat breaks out on my brow. Breathing heavy inside the helmet. I can hear my own breath, and GOD the fucking smell of my…. oh, fuck…click, snap… huuuupppaaaaaa bwwwaaaa!! I vomit again. I feel myself falling to the floor, barely getting my helmet off I hear it clatter and feel the sting on my side where I land on the table with the prep tray and bounce to the floor.

2 minutes to go

Heaving breaths now “don’t fucking pass out or you’ll be fucking stuck here asshole” Gasping for breath I grab the panel bracket and pull myself up. Now, motherfucker now, go! No more thinking, no more fear, I’ve decided. I grab my helmet and lock it in place. I run the diagnostic: pressure check, gas scrubber check, O2 check, water check. I stop before opening the chamber door and look up. The lab has a glass top and we pulled back the shielding a week before our destiny day. The stars are so bright. I hear my breathing, snell my own breath, hear the sounds of life: breath breath beat beat beat. The pressure in my suit is stable.

I unseal the directive:

Soldier,

Enter the following code in console A-15 at hour 0 of operation.

Shutdown and preservation sequence will capture all data and Utah Station will go into hibernation mode.

Shutdown and preservation sequence code: AA33$ff#000-Destiny_Day

Good luck,

General Huang (黄)

Thats it, the last orders and just a code string. Nothing to commemorate the moment. Nothing signifying the end of a species.

0 hour

I step into the chamber. I feel strange, peaceful almost. The bright glow of the portal overwhelms me. I’ve seen it a few times before. I was, after all one of the first to discover it. I suppose that’s why everyone thought I should be the… Well that I should be here, now, doing this. There’s a crackling sound and bolts of energy flash across the chamber to the rods on either side. I remember watching Sarahfi burn to a crisp on the first day we arrived at the portal and think about how many… how hard it was. To understand what we found we’d killed dozens hoping to save billions. Billions who’s destiny was already determined, we just couldn’t admit it.

It’s spinning up now. We couldn’t figure out what starts or stops a cycle. We just noticed that the area stabilized for about 5 minutes every 20. Go into the chamber when the field was unstable and you’d get sucked into the portal. It took more than a year to figure out how to balance the area so we could build. Bright white light begins to congeal around the edges of the portal.

A new feeling takes over my whole body. I can hear only my breath inside my helmet but it feels like, like, singing?!? I can’t explain. I can’t really even comprehend. My body feels lighter. The center of the portal changing now, edges bright, very bright, white light but the center looks like dark sky blue. I can see power beams, I, I don’t know what else to call them, forming in the blue. My whole body suddenly feels electric all the hair on my arms like tiny sensors. I can feel every single one.

“Now.” Now I tell myself. Now, or never. I grab the handles in front of the portal. Everything’s blurry I can’t even hear my own breathing. Feels like I’m being compressed and stretched at the same time, body like jello. I pull myself forward, inches from the now deep sky blue energy field. I take a deep breath and step all the way up on the platform. This is it, it’s finally here, my own Destiny Day. I fill my lungs stare into the field and see particle collisions, galaxies, beginnings, endings, and myself. From deep in my spirit, my mind, myself: a guttural yowl to the universe:

“I am Dawalanga Maduabuchi, I am African, I am human, I am THE LAST!

…###### END RECORDING.

Hibernation mode activated

“Wake Dawalanga, wake friend.”

“Zoe?”

“Told ya”